Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in kraegan's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Sunday, November 12th, 2006
9:39 pm	Long time no see Wow, all the dust that's been piling up. Better get started. Well, since I last posted, I got a job, got a car...thats about it with the basics. I'm feeling more inclined on getting out of this house with my parents and finding another place to live. Obviously its not best for my mental growth as I recalled windira saying one time that people are more lethargic in places not stimulating to their mental growth. Well, I feel lethargic most of the time here. On a similar topic I found my moods swinging more since I came home. I end up lashing out at people and seeing things that aren't there, attacking innocents verbally. And also just in general distancing myself from everyone else. I'm not trying to ask for a pity party with this, I'm just reporting facts. Everyone who I consider a friend in TLI I care about, and I don't intend on causing them harm yet I keep to seem doing that without realizing it, until it is too late. I was disappointed with myself this morning when I looked in the mirror, since I did just that last night. Though feeling disapppointed does nothing. By this time next year I intend to get my own place, and then hopefully try to regain what I've lost with the people I care about. Bear with me everyone...just a little longer. I'll post more when I feel like there's more to add. Til the next time. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 25th, 2006
5:43 pm	Latest entry WEll, its been a while since I've used this but if there was any time I need to vent it is right now. Just had a rather harsh argument with parents, and even went as so far as to call my mother a bitch to her face. I actually felt a sense of accomplishment at doing that. She's been overbearing on me for the past several years. She still insists on treating me like a child, telling me to tell my father what I told her like I did just now with calling her a bitch. I had to restrain myself from laughing. I tell you this though, I want out of here just as much as she wants me out of here. As soon as I can support myself I am gone, and will not look back and not shed a damn tear for her. If she wants my help, tough luck. I'm not inclined to want to help her in anyway besides the need that I have no job currently. As soon as I repay the tuition, I will be finally free from her. (Comment on this)
Monday, June 12th, 2006
9:58 pm	"...damned good wake up call" At this point in my life, the person I absolutely can't stand is my own mother. So when someone said to me that I'm acting just like her, that shocked my entire system; what shocked me next was by how accurate she was when she said it. I was acting no better than her, lashing out at someone for the smallest, most out fo the way reason. Again I apologize to the one I wrongly accused tonight. Now I'm going to sign off entirely and look for some recipies of humble pie, crow pie or humble crow; however the expression goes, I'm going to eat in a humbling way. PS: I apologize for the goofy looking smiley associated with the mood I feel. I'm embarassed, but in the worst way. Current Mood: embarrassed (Comment on this)
8:07 pm	barefeet = hate? Apparantly thats the logic my mother is now using nowadays. Also my mentally handicapped younger brother, at the age of 20, shouts whenever someone disagrees with him. This is the same one who I told some of you readers of my LJ about a few weeks ago, when he punched me in the face for eating some of his untouched leftovers from taco bell. Indeed I seem to be in hell at the moment. I've got to find another place to live as I am starting to agree with gwyn that this 'house' is a bad influence on my mental health. Current Mood: discontent (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 30th, 2006
9:35 am	Well... ...shite. I wonder if anyone reads this anymore. Not much use except for simply ranting off about my problems, which is good in itself I suppose. BUt I wonder if I can keep any friends, since so far with the exception of a few, the ones I've gotten to know for the past year have given me the silent treatment lately. Not that I blame them. I want to apologize, I want to do whatever I can to prove that I still consider them friends...I want to know what I can do to repair what I've done. I've also noticed that I'm quite selfish; after all that last sentence was full of "I wants." What the hell is wrong with you Rob? How come you manage to destroy something that is good? Cori and Andy, I don't know what else to say except that I'm sorry and I will try to prove to you both that I mean what I say when I still consider you both friends. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006
8:21 am	Morning suprise I logged on this morning to find out that someone had removed me from their listed friends. Can't say I blame them though given my behavior yesterday. Rob what the hell is wrong with you? She had done everything she could and you still felt the urge to push her to the edge? Yeah, some friend you are, one of a kind. You kept pushing and pushiung and pushing, and yet you thought she would remain there taking it? I guess I really am crazy, or perhaps I'm already crazy I posted that to act as a reminder. I'll just stand back, give everyone room to breathe, and then try to approach her again in about a week or two, see if anything can be salvaged. If not, well then I have no one to blame but myself. Current Mood: blah (Comment on this)
Monday, May 22nd, 2006
6:37 pm	Well... ...I guess I really am a bastard. I've become what I hate the most. I've driven people out of rooms, I've gotten people to rant about me in PM. All I really have are aquaintances it seems. I push too hard, and the people I consider friends don't consider me one at all. I feel like all I can do to rectify my mistakes is to committ honorable ritual suicide, aka seppuku. Hardly anyone reads my LJ that I know of, but for those of you that do...feel free to leave your comments on this, good or bad. Current Mood: crushed (Comment on this)
5:20 am	Mixed Nuts That pretty much describes the entire day. It was a mix between good, bad and inbetween. There was an ingame war going on that I took part of initially, then someone else came on asking for RP, and because I had prior commitments and the event had slowed down I decided to fade out. However the person in question came and went doing tasks in real life. So a simple rp turned into a few hours. Also had the emotions go up and down, however it was sparked by one person who I noticed told me one thing and did something different. I hate hypocrites, period. Granted I may not be one to talk, but if I catch someone lying to me, they'd best have enjoyed the friendship with me while it lasted. Current Mood: blah (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006
3:47 am	Bored find your element at mutedfaith.com. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
11:31 pm	To quote someone else quoting... Nothing to see here, nope. "These are not the droids you're looking for..." and what not. Contents of this entry are gone forever, and would rather keep them in the past
Thursday, April 13th, 2006
5:11 pm	HOLY SHI-!!!! All these past months of being depressed and all that, which I'm sure any of my regular readers have been well aware of, I've just now realized that I've only 2-3 weeks til school ends for me. I've applied to a few police agencies, gotten one response, and had to reschedule a test taking date to the middle of May, cause I don't graduate until early May. At this rate I just hope I graduate, so feel welcome to pray, wish good luck or the like if you feel inclined to do so. I would appreciate any good luck or karma sent my way. (Comment on this)
Monday, April 10th, 2006
1:39 am	"Out of the Frying Pan..." You know how the rest of that phrase goes. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse for me, they do. I was feeling just feeling forsaken before, but now I feel excluded as well. Sure people are willing to be aquainted with me, but thats it. No offers of conversation or other communication as friends. I think it hit me when I was in gamers the other day and I watched an exchange of words regarding calling up. It hit me, no one wants to talk with me or actually get to know me, because if they did I would have known by now. Its amazing how a single piece of information can change how everything is related. Just when you think you get to know a few people, all of a sudden it changes, and you realize that they were really getting to know everyone else but you. Right now I'm going to hit the hay bitter and angry, both at the world and myself. Perhaps if I'm lucky I'll pass away in my sleep and grant you all the ultimate reprieve from me, since no one seems to want to be my friend anymore. PS: Again, as I said just when I think things couldn't get any more complex...its like tetris or dr mario....just when you think you couldn't be presented with a more impossible puzzle, another one gets shoved up into your face. I'm going to sleep before any more complications come up and I find myself unable to deal with it anymore. Current Mood: stressed (Comment on this)
Friday, April 7th, 2006
9:44 am	Bleh Been playing alot of RF Online lately. Moreso than recently. Reason number one, in my usual hangout I made an ass of myself and since some people aren't talking to me anymore, I decided its best if I just odn't show for a while. Reason number two, I tried to go hang out at a friend's place in RL. I hung out there the night before, but when I showed up the 'friend' looked at me accusingly and asked "what do [I] want?!" Then he glared at me and blocked me entering, so I shrugged, walked off. After he slammed the door I told him and everyone else I saw in the room from when it was open to go fuck themselves, then went back up to my room. That was about a week ago, I've tried to make repairations with the person named in the first reason, but so far they have not spoken to me. On number two I've avoided them like the plague and I don't really care to see them again. I suppose I'm just destined to screw things up with everyone I meet, one way or the other. Current Mood: crushed (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 2nd, 2006
11:26 pm	Well, it has hit the fan How do I know this, well because someone I know has ignored me ever since I did something last night that I have regretted ever since. Its no excuse for me doing what I did, and I'm not trying to make excuses. However to this person if you still read this, you know how ADHD works and that the remorse I am feeling is sincere. However I also get the feeling that it is too little too late; and I honestly don't blame you if that were the case. I still hate myself for acting how I did last night. Anyway how things go from here is up to you. (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 1st, 2006
8:48 pm	Backfires That topic pretty much sums it up. Against my better judgement, and against the counsel an impartial third person suggested, I brought up a topic to two people tonight which ended up in backfiring in the worst way. I'm not sure if I just am self-destructive, or if I'm just an idiot. Suffice it to say it backfired. I won't go into details because I know someone who may, or may not, read this didn't want to see the details in the first place. However I wouldn't oppose to any posts directing anger and/or hatred towards me. I'm used to it, get enough from parents at home, I suppose I can't feel comfortable unless I'm recieving hatred in some form here. I doubt it would do much good now, but I'm going to say it anyway. For what it's worth N and I, I'm truely sorry. PS: the idea that is behind the music I list below is becoming more and more appealing by the moment. No, this is not an april fools joke. Though I know I am a fool. (Comment on this)
Friday, March 24th, 2006
6:34 pm	Angry When you're trying to hold a professional conversation with someone, you don't expect them to suddenly accuse you of something without giving you the chance to defend yourself. I'm too angry to think straight at the moment, so this will have to do. Current Mood: infuriated (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 18th, 2006
10:15 pm	Wow...just WOW.... Ok...spring break's come to an end, but here I am, typing up this journal entry on the brand new laptop my dad got for me while he was out in salt lake city. I'm still not sure if its sunk in yet, but damn...this is nice...brand new sony viao. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 7th, 2006
6:09 pm	Not sure to be amused either.. <td align="center"> Robert -- [noun]: A poltergeist sent back in time to change the course of history forever 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com</td> (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 4th, 2006
7:35 pm	A rant I know that alot of people llike to poke fun at anime, and within those who like anime, alot of people tend to make fun of a particular series known as "Neon Genesis Evangelion." One in particular that has struck me is "Aww, shinji gone 'emo' again?" To all of you I have to say this....FUCK YOU!!!! I think I know the reason why so many people like to make fun of NGE or say why they don't like it. QUite simply they can't relate or think deeply enough about the main characters to understand their reasons. I doubt anyone who makes jokes about Eva have ever dealt with their own personal demons, stare hopelessness and despair in the face everyday. Feel overwhelemed by everyone and everything. SHinji has his reasons for being the way he is. If you can't understand that, then keep your fucking mouth's shut or go take a few college level psychology courses. MAYBE then you'll be able to have some insight into the series. I like the series, can relate to the characters, and I can look past the giant mecha aspect of it. Anyone who simply dislikes the series because the main character is 'emo' deserves to be beaten to death with a steel dildo by someone wearing a bugs bunny costume, because their logic is as absurd as that mental image. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
9:57 pm	Wow... the Romantic Test finished! you chose BY - your Enneagram type is FOUR. "I am unique" Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive. How to Get Along with Me Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me. Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself. Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision. Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little. Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting! What I Like About Being a Four my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level my ability to establish warm connections with people admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor being unique and being seen as unique by others having aesthetic sensibilities being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me What's Hard About Being a Four experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved feeling guilty when I disappoint people feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me expecting too much from myself and life fearing being abandoned obsessing over resentments longing for what I don't have Fours as Children Often have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original game s are very sensitive feel that they don't fit in believe they are missing something that other people have attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc. become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce) Fours as Parents help their children become who they really are support their children's creativity and originality are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings are sometimes overly critical or overly protective are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele The Enneagram Made Easy Discover the 9 Types of People HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages You liked the test? so please RATE it :-) You are not completely happy with the result?! You chose BY Would you rather have chosen: AY (EIGHT) CY (SIX) BX (NINE) BZ (FIVE) My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 26% on ABC You scored higher than 58% on XYZ Link: The Quick and Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test Current Mood: surprised (Comment on this)